How to Disney for Jerks (a collaborative post with guest author, Jason)

Posted by Mrs. Murray March 27, 2020

How to Disney for Jerks (a collaborative post with guest author, Jason)

The contributing author sporting his dad swag

At some point in your life, you may find yourself dragged to one of the Disney theme parks. You can either go kicking and screaming, or you can buck up and have fun. Here are some helpful suggestions to make your family's Disney vacation better than everyone else's!

Discrete line cutting will save you approximately 5 minutes of line waiting time, out of approximately 300 total.

The 6am crowd at Hollywood Studios. This is what you will be dealing with.
Gently nudging the heels of the people in front of you with a stroller, can be a good way to remind them to move up in line.
Faster spinning on the tea cups does not always mean more fun, but it is a good way to make room for a second $18 cheeseburger lunch.
If your spouse planned the itinerary, make sure to provide frequent feedback. He/she will appreciate the notes on what they can do better next time.
Always park your stroller near signs that say no stroller parking, that way you’ll always be able to find yours

Strollers in their natural habitat

Real tip: It doesn't matter how old your kids are. They will need a stroller. Even if your kid is 18, still get them a stroller. Otherwise you will hear them whine "my feet hurt" the entire trip.
Characters with tails enjoy having them swatted. Don’t mind the signs telling you not to touch the characters; those are just suggestions.
If you’re attending a live show, let your kids stand on the seats for a better view. The people behind you have probably seen it already.
Like an engagement ring, you should plan to save three months salary for your Disney trip.
In muggy weather, deodorant can irritate your skin, especially after a full day of walking around. Better to go without to ensure your personal comfort.
Anytime you can sing along to a song on a ride, try to sing as loud as possible over the music. Don’t worry about singing off key; it will be more memorable for you and your family.
As you pass the 140 minute wait with your fast pass, people will appreciate if you point out that they should have gotten the fast pass for the ride.

Don't be like our son and close your eyes when you're nervous. EYES OPEN! Get your money's worth!
If your kids are tired, hungry, or otherwise not having a good time, encourage them to pick on each other; it will help the time pass.
Stop at every gift stand to be sure your kids get everything they want. You don’t want to ruin their trip by saying “no” to something.

Glad we got this picture 2.5 seconds before that ice cream hit the ground.
If you forget to go to the bathroom before getting in line, there are two rules. If number two, you can hold it in the queue, if number one, unfortunately, you’re done.

Waiting in a 2 hour line for Avatar: Flight of Passage. Definitely use the facilities before hopping in this line!
If you kids are throwing a tantrum, it’s best just to let them cry it out. Remember, it’s not good to bottle up emotions.
If your kids whine for a least five minutes after you’ve said no, it means they really want it and you should just give in.
At least once, treat yourself to the the “sorry, my family is ahead” trick to skip a long wait.
Characters- if there is only one spot left for a character viewing and it’s between you and a child, don’t be ashamed to oust the child. After all, they’ll probably have more opportunities to go in their lifetime.
Last rule. Think of your family first. No one else is nearly as excited as you. Everyone else is rested, cool, and their expectations have been fully met. Remember, there are 51 weeks left in the year for you to be a considerate person.